What Happens When Things Go Awry?

Writing a book is hard (like, really hard).

Publishing a book is hard (like, really hard).

What we don’t hear so much is the “in-between”: you know, what really goes on behind the scenes. Basically, there is a lot that needs to take place from the time you’ve finally finished writing a book to the moment it’s available for people to buy.

If you’re going the traditional publishing route, you have to query literary agents. I would equate this to securing a full-ride scholarship to college for basketball when you’ve never personally played a single game. (Okay, maybe I’m slightly exaggerating here… but it can feel damn near impossible to secure an agent. Trust me.)

Let’s say you secure an agent. Yay! Unfortunately, this doesn’t guarantee a book deal with a publisher. Sounds fun, right? Hopefully you’re sensing the sarcasm.

Alternatively, you might want to go a different route and publish the book yourself. You retain creative control (for the most part), but you don’t have a publisher funding all of the required expenses. (Aka you’re footing the bill.)

I know many people who prefer the stay-silent-and-work-on-your-goals-in-the-background kind of mentality, and if that works for them, I applaud it. Personally, I decided to be transparent about the ups, downs, and “you’ve gotta be kidding me?!” moments throughout my personal journey. At the very least, I can look back and remember the details when my memory starts to go.

That said, there is one you’ve-gotta-be-kidding-me moment I could have really done without.

One of the necessary behind the scenes activities in publishing a book is the process of editing. Basically, you hand your book in its entirety to another person (who you’ve hopefully carefully selected), and say, “Here you go! Help me! Please! Just. Make. It. Better.”

And then you wait for some amount of time praying that they don’t hate it.

When I finally received the book from my editor, I was not only excited that she didn’t rip me a new one for wasting her time and energy on something so awful, but that I could see she breathed fresh air into my words. Sometimes, you just need another set of eyes.

Unfortunately, as I was going through and editing myself, I realized I had (somehow) unknowingly deleted an entire chapters’ worth of my own changes. I couldn’t get it back — all that work, creative energy — POOF! Gone.

Not to mention it was the final chapter, you know, a V. important chapter of a frickin’ book.

How could I have done this? WTF happened? I cussed, cried, and thought about throwing my laptop off the balcony at least 78 times.

After groveling in my own (self-inflicted) misery, I decided that I could either stay feeling this way for the next three business days, or take a break for the rest of the evening, drink some wine, forget about the book for at least 20 minutes, and begin again with a fresh mentality in the morning.

Was this easy? Nope.

Was it worth it? Yup.

You are allowed to feel mad, sad, frustrated, annoyed. You are allowed to feel however you’re feeling. You are also allowed to stay in that emotion, but the question you must ask yourself is: do you want to?

We can’t ignore our emotions. Well, we can… but it doesn’t give us the desired effect we’re looking for (for them to go away). If you try to ignore however you’re feeling and pretend you’re doing a-okay, chances are whatever your real emotion is will bubble to the surface, and erupt in a way you weren’t expecting.

All emotions are valid. You can choose to feel that emotion and let it stay within you for an undetermined amount of time, or decide to feel all the feels, and then release it, moving on to smoother waters.

This is a personal choice, and one that isn’t inherently easy. For me, it’s a muscle I need to remember to strengthen all of the time.

Sometimes my emotions win, take over, and I wallow in them for probably longer than what’s in my best interest. But other times, I recognize it, accept it, and then move the fuck on.

None of us are perfect here. We won’t be able to do this all of the time, especially if it’s a monumental curveball, pothole, or an entire detour we weren’t expecting.

But we can try.

The good news about my near meltdown was that I woke up with an epiphany about the final chapter, and edited it much differently than I had originally done. And wouldn’t you know it, I totally loved the end product.

What can I say? The Universe has a unique sense of humor.

XO

Mikaela